I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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