Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
