How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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