ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
