every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
