did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
