First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You made out with two different species that night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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