Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
