I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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