Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
