Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
