y did u give ur computer a hand job?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
