i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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