i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
