last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
