I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
