every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
