She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
