I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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