I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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