We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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