tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We need to get me chipped asap
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
