You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
