He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize