A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Even my vagina gasped.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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