i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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