Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
