Fine. I'll sleep in my office
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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