"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
