the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The air taste purple.
Randomize
