I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
