You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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