fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
