mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
