Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
