so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
