I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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