Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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