So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
