Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
