I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
