toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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