I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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