Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
