I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
