I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
