I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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