how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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