i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
what day is it and did you see me today?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
