You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
