She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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