I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize