the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
