I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize