i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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