Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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