Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
