We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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