It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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