Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
