is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
