You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
