She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize