Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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