escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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