and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize