Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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