okay pat passed out under dana's car
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
