It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
